I’m Just Tired, That’s All

insomnia
I just want to sleep.

Photo by Krista Mangulsone on Unsplash

Insomnia

Oh insomnia, how I do not love you. My body aches. My head aches. I’m so tired but sleep is no where around. I hate nights like these. Your own body betrays you. It keeps you right at the edge, but denies you the last step that takes you into dreamland.

You think a lot with insomnia. Usually not good things. Your brain is working at .07% but even that is too much at this time of night. Often, I’m so tired that I don’t think really think of anything other than how tired I am. Other nights my mind runs a thousand miles an hour in a million different directions.

Surely I’m not alone?

One of the thoughts I often have is how many other people are awake now, feeling the same as I do? I feel alone, yet I know I am only one of more than I care to know that suffer from the same problem. Us insomniacs have our own brotherhood, yet none of us know anything about it.

insomnia
Restless resting and deep thoughts.

There might even be a site for that. Insomniacs R Us. Middle of the night conversations that make absolutely no sense at all because we are sleep deprived and have no idea what we are saying. At least it would be entertaining!

I have had insomnia since I was in high school. I am not as bad as I was, but I will still go a few days without sleeping before my body just literally gives in and can’t take it anymore. Thankfully that isn’t often.

It’s what day again?

When I am at my worst, I will completely lose track of days. Just a vague memory of them. I know they happened, but any clear thoughts or moments are gone. I get confused on what day it is because I forget the ones I lost.

I’ve tried sleep aids. No, they don’t work, and I’ve tried everything. Natural products, prescribed medication, whiskey, wine…(Ok so maybe those were more for me than for the sleep. They still didn’t help though.)

I hate how I will go through the day tomorrow (today) in a fog, sleep drunk. Last night was the start so I only slept about 3 1/2 hours. I perhaps ought to apologize now for anything silly I most likely will do. Just don’t judge me! 🙂

And In The End

So I will settle down with my thoughts and read, or write, or color, or something, and pray that I am given some mercy and find myself drifting off to sleep soon! You never know, my next site COULD end up being Insomniacs R Us if I don’t find some rest!

insomnia
Calm

Photo by Christopher Sardegna on Unsplash

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