It’s hard to reconcile. I won’t lie. It’s tough. Definitely one of those things you really have to want more than anything. People like to call it “starting over” but it isn’t. You already have a history. It doesn’t magically go away just because you decide you want to change things and save your relationship.
Starting over really means you have to learn to know each other again, while working through all of the hurt and damage that’s been done. You can’t just forget it and move on. It also needs to be dealt with.
Reconciliation means you are committed enough and love that person enough to rip open all of the wounds, and let them bleed while you work on healing them together. It can’t be done alone, and it can’t be put behind you and left to fester and infect your future.
You work on healing while you work on learning who this person really is you married. Finding the things that you loved enough to marry them for in the first place. Remembering why. That’s not easy to do when you know this person intimately already. It is hard to put aside what you think you already know, and to look at them as a new person you have never met before, yet you love them and are committed to them.
It is a tough road, but I think it is one that is so worth walking, if you know at the end of it there will be a man or woman you love, and a renewed relationship waiting for you. Don’t give up. It’s not easy, but the rewards are worth more than gold.