Reconciliation

Reconciliation

I’ve entered a stage in my relationship where we are working on reconciliation. Wow, that is a tough word. It’s long, hard to spell, and extremely difficult to do.

Where do you begin? How do you start when you decide you want to reconcile with your significant other? Do you start over? Should you continue from where you are and try to work through all of the past issues? What about getting some help? So many hard questions to answer before you can even start.

Reconciliation STEP 1

For me, I realized the first place I needed to start was me. Yes, me. I knew I had a lot of things about myself I needed to change if there was any hope of this working. It wouldn’t be right to expect my spouse to change if I wasn’t willing to look at myself and see what my faults were.

Reconciliation STEP 2

The second thing you need the most in order for reconciliation to work is…….not love. Yes I meant to say that. Love is a feeling, and it changes. I may love my husband, but that isn’t always going to be enough. The thing you need is commitment. That ‘sticktoitiveness’ that’s required so you don’t give up when the going gets impossible. If you don’t have the commitment to stay the course til the end, then it isn’t going to work. Above all else, YOU have to CHOOSE to be committed, no matter what.

Reconciliation STEP 3

Third, you need to worry about you, not them. Change yourself, not your significant other. If you are both in it together, they will take care of their issues, while you take care of yours. Once you feel you are both at a point that the other agrees the changes are genuine, then you can start working on your relationship as a couple. If you aren’t ready as an individual, you can’t be ready as a couple. Change you, and that will go a long ways in helping fix the relationship.

Reconciliation STEP 4

Fourth, in my own life, I believe that having faith in a higher power, in my case, God, will also be a necessary part of reconciliation. I firmly believe that saving a relationship that has so much past baggage of hurts and failures will not work without help from something you believe in that’s bigger than you. I know that without God we would not stand a chance.

Reconciliation STEP 5

Lastly, counsel counsel counsel! Get help. Obviously doing it alone already didn’t work. Get a third party experienced in this area to help you. Having a trained outside person to help you understand one another and to guide you through the process in unbelievably important. If you can’t afford to pay for it, find a local church, and almost always they will have someone that can counsel you for free. You can’t do it alone. You need that third person that is uninvolved and can see things from an outside perspective, and will be able to help explain to you what you are doing, how you are doing it, how to change it, etc.

Reconciliation is HARD no matter how you look at it. It takes a very long time, a lot of patience, and absolute commitment. If you truly love the person, and want to be with them (and it is mutual), then don’t expect a quick fix. The harder you work and the more you overcome, the better your relationship will be in the end.

That’s my $.02 worth for the day. I wish you all the best in your journey to reconcile. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it in the end if it is what you both desire. Good luck!

Kilee

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Falling Out of Love

Have you ever had to watch your lover fall out of love with you?

It always starts with the little things first. They stop holding the door for you. Don’t remember to tell you good night. Forget to hold your hand when you walk. You say something and they get annoyed with you, like you’re trying to start an issue. You stay silent.

You watch as they stop laughing at your jokes and tune you out as you talk. Their hugs goodbye are distant and fleeting. Time together is rare. You try to mention it but they get upset that you want to argue. You stay silent.

You watch as they stop talking to you and every exchange is an effort. They don’t sing your special song to you anymore. They don’t write ‘love’ in your card. You try to talk about it but they get angry that you are always nagging. You stay silent.

Now you watch as they move downstairs to get away from you. Every look is one of darkness and distance instead of love and you don’t know why. They don’t speak to you and pretend you don’t exist anymore. You don’t try to talk to them now because you already know what happened…

They fell out of love with you.

marriage problems
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash