The Penguin and I


Photo by Teodor Bjerrang on Unsplash

The other night I was watching a documentary called Encounters at the End of the World from 2007. It was about filmmaker Werner Herzog and his journey to the South Pole to visit the National Science Foundation’s headquarters. It was honestly a good show. Towards the end, they went to see a penguin colony. While discussing various habits about the penguins, Werner asked if penguins ever randomly left the colony because they have had enough.

Apparently, for reasons unknown to scientists, every so often a penguin will just up and leave. Leave the feeding grounds, leave the water, food, their mate, the colony, and walk away never to come back. Scientists don’t know if the penguins become disoriented, demented, or if it is intentional. Even if you take them back to their colony, they will turn around go right back to where they were heading. They walk for miles and miles, alone, with no food or water, and the sad part is, they leave to die. I admit, I cried.

I felt like I could relate to those little penguins, just wanting to go away from all of the troubles, all of the issues, all of the problems. I don’t know that I would ever reach the point where I would cross that line and say ‘I’m done’, but I know I’ve been awfully close to it at times. There come those times where you look around you and think, ‘This is what my life is going to be. For the rest of my life, this is it.’ It’s nothing that you wanted or hoped for. You’re not happy and all of your hopes and dreams have died. You realize if this is what you have to look forward to day after day after day you’re not going to make it…

Maybe I will go join the penguins after all.




Can’t You See Me?

Can’t you see me? I’m standing right in front of you, reaching out, waiting for you to take my hand. I look at you as you walk by me. I see a blank face. To you I don’t exist. I am nothing. You shove my hand away without a touch. You don’t feel it, but I do. I felt it all the way to the deepest depths of my heart. Can’t you see me?

Don’t you know I still love you? I need you? Why did you stop loving me back? When? I’m so confused. I don’t understand how we got here, and I don’t know where to go. I’m afraid if I turn away you will forget me forever.

I see you coming back now. Walking by me. I reach out to you again but no, your eyes don’t see me, your ears don’t hear me calling for you. I’m fading away and you don’t even notice. Someday I will be gone and I wonder if you will even remember that I was here. That I was a part of your life once upon a time. That you loved me. Will you remember me?

I love you so much. Why can’t you see me?

by kilee goecke

Pain Relief the Natural Way…?

Let’s Have Some Tea, Shall We?

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the product called “Kombucha Tea,” but I have been well acquainted with it for years. My mom has been making and drinking  Kombucha Tea every day since her friend gave her the starter ‘mushroom’ in 1989. She is still using the starts from that original ‘mushroom’ today.

Photo by Nashad Abdu on Unsplash

What Is It Really?

I’m sure you have noticed I am not giving the term ‘mushroom’ its due. The reason is because in this case what looks like a mushroom, acts like a mushroom and tastes like a mushroom actually is NOT a mushroom at all! In reality it is a colony of bacteria and yeast made by adding sugar and black tea to the colony and allowing it to ferment. It will grow to look like the shape of the container you use. Consequently, since most people use round bowls and pitchers, it grows round, therefore looking like a mushroom. Mystery solved!

Does It Work?

That is really a tough question to answer. Me personally, I say a strong yes, it does, if you can take it. Like any food, it can cause allergic reactions in some people. I’ve watched my mom take her Kombucha Tea for almost 37 years. Yes, that beautiful woman in the photo with me on my home page is in her 70’s. I fully believe she is a walking example of the health benefits due to drinking that tea.

Photo by bady qb on Unsplash

That being said, the “professionals” AKA doctors and such, aren’t so sure about that. Since there really hasn’t been any scientific studies done on the long-term effects of the tea on any type of control group, they are not so quick to accept the claims. They will admit that the tea may offer benefits like probiotic supplements, but that is all they are willing to say. As with any natural product, it is especially important to realize it is unknown how it will affect you until you try it. My mother is fine, yet my first cousin tried it and had a bad allergic reaction. So there you go.

What’s The Answer?

I think that as with any new product you try, BE CAREFUL. Be smart. Follow the directions exactly and see how it affects you. There are a lot of options for taking the Kombucha Tea out there, and I have included a couple of links below of starter kits if anyone has an interest in giving it a try. If you do, let us know what you find out.

As for me, I am taking the plunge. I have decided to start making and drinking it to see if there is a chance it will ease any of my pain, which is what one of the many claims for this product is. Now that’s a laundry list right there. Here are a few:

  • Eliminates wrinkles and liver spots
  • Helps with muscular pain (yay me!)
  • Helps with kidney problems
  • Cleanses the gall bladder, helps colitis (yay me!) and settles stomachs
  • Helps lower cholesterol
  • Stops infectious diarrhea
  • It helps to burn fat
  • Helps insomnia (again yay me!)
  • Aids with digestion
  • And last but not least, it claims to help thicken hair, avoid balding and eliminate gray hair. How can you go wrong with that?!

Perfected To Stop Hair Loss

The Obvious Reminder

Keep in mind these are CLAIMS, not proven facts. All I know is what I’ve seen in my mom, and let me tell you, she looks amazing! So I am willing to give it a try. I’ll post about my progress as the weeks go by and see if it really does do any of those things for me.

Again, the links I provided are for reference only. I don’t know the sellers or the product they are offering other than they are the starter kits. Do your research, think it through and make your own decision. If it is something you want to try, go for it. After all, it could be that miracle pain relief we have all been praying for! Winning!

Good luck!

Photo by Igor Miske on Unsplash

**Some of the information above is from Mayo Clinic and the online article in their Consumer Health section under Healthy Lifestyle. It was written by Brent A. Bauer, M.D. and here is the link to that article.

Click Here To Read The Mayo Clinic Article

Mental Battle of Wills


Attributes of strength with pain:

Strength isn’t always about how strong you are physically. Strength can be found in any area of life: physical, emotional, and mental. Sometimes mental strength is all you have left to pull you through.

The brain is an amazing machine. People can survive the most incredible battles in life due entirely to the mental strength they have not to give up. Unfortunately, I often find myself battling with my mind because I’m tired, I hurt, and I just want to give up for the day. I want to go and hide in my corner but my mind refuses to let me. Have you ever had a fight with yourself mentally? You never win or lose, it’s always both. A constant battle of wills.

Stress is a huge trigger for me, both for migraines and pain. There are days the pain and aches get so bad I feel like I can’t stand it any longer, but really, what does that even mean? It’s not like my body is going to say, “Ok boys, she’s done! Pack it all away until tomorrow!” Haha I wish! I can’t stand it any longer, but I have to. I can medicate, and believe me I do. I’m one of those with a very high pain tolerance threshold, but I still need a break. Bring on the happy pills! Even with medication, you feel better for the time being but you’re also in a fog, tired, blah. You can’t help but wonder if it’s worth it. You may not hurt, but you miss out on everything else.

Can’t You Understand?

Unless you go through it, there is no way to describe how much mental stress pain puts on you. People around you think you are being rude, because you are so focused on working through the pain you can’t talk, or you seem grouchy or moody. You try to explain but they never understand, so you just stop bothering. Let them think you are mean. You hurt too much to care….but really, you do care. More pain. More hurt. I spent a lot of years sitting alone at my kids’ events. People thought I was rude when in fact I was just trying to ignore the pain I was in so my children would know I was there for them. What they do not know is that I chose NOT to take the medications because I wanted some coherence in spite of the pain.

Mental stress from pain, to me, is just as bad if not worse than the pain itself. The pain goes away, but the mental issues do not. When you finally have a day you don’t hurt that bad you worry about when it will come back and how bad it will be. When you do hurt you put all of your focus into making it through. Endless loop day after day. It’s so frustrating! Especially when you don’t have the support of a spouse or a significant other. You’re still expected to keep up the house, have a job, run errands, keep him happy, not be moody or argue, keep up with dishes, etc, etc. All you want to do is crawl in the corner and hide for the next few days and pray someone takes care of you before you disappear into the darkness.

Maintaining A Positive Outlook:

Fortunately I am older now, which means my kids are older, so only my youngest son is at home, and he is 17. He has never seen me any other way so to him my pain is normal. He doesn’t understand I used to be different. The pain changed me. The woman I am now is not the woman I started out to be, so to my son, I am just mom. Bad days happen and I often need help. He knows that is the way things are.

Having a good support group cannot be stressed enough. I am blessed to have my children, my mom and dad, my sister, and some friends I can call on when I’m have a particularly bad day. Even my doctor. We’ve known each other for over 20 years, so I can trust that he will do his best to care for me. Hopefully you all have good support as well. Join support groups online. Write blogs. 🙂 Do what you can to find a light at the end of the tunnel, one second at a time.

5 Ways To Find Freedom From Self-Doubt

Imperfection is not the opposite of perfection, as if it is a state that is undesirable. Instead, imperfection is the state of accepting yourself through loving yourself. Without seeing the person you truly are, you get confused on what needs to change within yourself. Perfectionism wears you down by continually holding yourself to maintaining attributes you may not even have within you.

“Accept me as I am” is a saying we all cry out inside. It does not mean that you will not change detrimental habits because you are embracing who you are, or that you are promoting laziness or lack of ambition. What it does mean is that you have taken a look inside of yourself and seen who you truly are. There are things that you like about yourself and things maybe not so much, but it all works together to become the person that you are.

True change in your life is choosing to take those negative parts and work on them through sheer determination. Your life, self-esteem and happiness are not tied to your internal being. Anything changes made from self-hate usually will not last because you made your choice based on the very part that you want to change. If you do not accept who you are from the beginning, the changes you hope to make are even more difficult because you will always be filled with self-doubt about your actions.

There is nothing healthy about that. Accept that for one, every single person in this world has the same self-doubts you do. Obviously not the same specific ideas, but we all doubt something about ourselves. You are not alone in your fears. Learn to value yourself through these few steps that will show you that your ‘imperfections’ are what make you perfect in who you are. Here are five ways to truly be free by letting yourself live as you are.

5 Ways to Imperfect Freedom

  1. Take some serious time for introspection – Don’t be afraid to look at yourself honestly. Write down what is positive and what is negative in your eyes. Find ways to change the wording of those negatives so they are now positives that you can embrace. One way I compensate for a part of myself is how I dress. I do not like my figure, so I wear clothes that cover yet complement my look. That way I feel confident and good despite not liking my body.
  2. Discover what you like to do and don’t like to do – Don’t be afraid to say “no” to events or activities that you do not enjoy, but don’t be afraid to say “yes”, either. Make sure your “no” is said with confidence and not fear, as well as your “yes”. You are in control of what you do. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t.
  3. Try something new – Try a different style of clothing like I did, or change your hairstyle (I got mine cut and dyed my underneath layers blue!….). There’s nothing wrong with experimenting with new looks to accentuate your positives and give yourself a confidence boost.
  4. Laugh more – Laughter promotes feel-good endorphin release. Take time out to have fun and take a rest. It is hard staying sad when you are laughing!
  5. Explore your creative side –Are you a “right-brained” person? Find out if you have any creative tendencies. Stimulate that side of your brain to bring out attributes you didn’t know you had. If you find you are not creative, like me, accept it and find what niche does capture your interest. Have some fun trying to figure that out!

Most importantly, allow yourself to be human, flawed and imperfect, and loving the heck out of yourself.


*Special thanks to Alice Seba and Melody Spier

What This Blog Is About

The Nuts and Bolts – Chronic Pain:

Blogging is new to me, therefore it may take me some time to get into the rhythm of things. I thought that for my first post ever, I should explain what I will be talking about, chronic pain, and some other ideas I will be implementing down the road. Living With Pain encompasses a lot of territory, despite being a specific subject. We will also be discussing medications, both over the counter (OTC) and prescription for the different issues.

Fist of all, I have Insomnia. What is insomnia? What are some causes of insomnia? How do you decided if you have insomnia and what should you do about it? Are you born as an insomniac or can it be caused by an event?

Another subject is anxiety. Do you have an anxiety disorder? What are some anxiety symptoms? Do you have a generalized anxiety disorder or is it more specific, like social anxiety disorder or separation anxiety? What happens when you have an anxiety attack and how should you handle it?

Click Here For Information On How To Help With Anxiety and Panic Attacks!

I get Chronic migraines quite a lot, and there are multitudes of reasons why one can get them. There are also many different types of migraines. We can break each of them down and talk about the specific ones you may experience. My migraines are more from stress and the weather.

Another fun subject is constipation! Nobody likes it when they can’t poop. There are many reasons why one is constipated, and we will talk about those. A couple of constipation causes are medication and certain medical issues, like fibromyalgia.

More on chronic pain:

Agoraphobia is not a very fun subject, but it is a very real mental health issue. What is agoraphobia? Are there treatments for it? What causes agoraphobia and does it go away?

Chronic Pain and neck pain is a real mood killer. Neck pain can be caused by so many factors I will not spend much time on discussing it. I will mostly just be referring to my own and how I deal with it. Chronic pan in general is also a difficult subject, and once again, I will be talking more about personal experience than discussing specific causes and treatments.

Fibromyalgia is an often misunderstood and misdiagnosed issue to live with. Fibromyalgia symptoms vary, and trying to describe what fibromyalgia is difficult. There are such fluctuations and differences per person that narrowing it down to specifics is almost impossible.

We will also be discussing relationships. I feel they fit under the class of living with pain. Bad marriages are painful. Poor relationships with your children are painful.

Another subject will be animals – dogs specifically. Therapy dogs, service dogs, emotional support dogs. These are animals that can help a person with emotional and mental health issues immensely.

Natural Dog Care

These are just a few of the things among many that I will be diving into for your information and hopefully, help.

Site expectations:

I look forward to having discussions about everything, please always feel free to leave comments, questions or ideas. NO NEGATIVITY allowed. I will remove it and block the user that posted it. No exceptions.

Please take time to look around my site, see what all interests you. My About Me page and the Shopping area has some fun stuff to look at. Of course, the ever exciting legalese pages…..boring……but necessary. I hope you choose to join my mailing list so you will receive updates on the upcoming blog subject and new products that are offered. I will be having votes by you, my followers, to decide subjects you might want to hear about. I’ll give out coupons off and on for products offered. Who knows what all will happen?!

Until next time,